Self Image......

         I think we all have an inherent opinion of how we look
and appear to others.  I'm afraid that in most cases it is a
negative opinion.   I've found that except it rare cases most of
us feel that we need fine clothes, make-up and other such things
to make us look presentable (I seldom wear make-up.. but that's
just me)  Especially as we age we feel the need to look younger
and basically mirror what we were when young.
       I was always the opposite.  I had a head start in that I was
never good looking when I was younger so the bar was set pretty
low.  I never cared much for fine clothes or worried much about
impressing people.  I pretty much had a weight problem my whole
adult life (though not severe) so , yea, I guess I was a bit negative.
       Funny thing is as I 'matured' It seemed the older I got the more
confident I became.  As I noticed those around me age I felt as though
I was being pardoned in the ageing process.  I felt like I was still
able to do most things I normally did and I was thinking how me and this
aging thing was going to get along just fine.  Even in pictures and such
I felt good about my appearance.  But then like I previously mentioned
I was working from a much lower standard than most.   And then it
happened. 
       On a recent camping trip a friend made a video of the weekend
festivities.   No longer were the pictures of me scripted, posed, planned
shots showing the me I wanted shown.  The naked truth came out.  And
I have to say I was shocked and somewhat down heartened by what I saw.
The images I had been seeing in the mirror were blocked out by a character
hired to play the part of me.  A crotchety old humpbacked guy with no ass
a spare tire belly that in no way resembled the guy I see in the mirror every
day .  I was upset with his appearance.. his..voice..his actions and everything
about him.   Could this guy actually be me?   I was devastated at first and
was forced to  watch it several times.. each time thinking .. Is that really me?
Well truth be known it was.  And it still saddens me to watch it .  But as they
say.. 'It is what it is'   Maybe it's a good thing.  Going through life thinking you
are something that you are not can't be a good thing.  But I also now know that
facing reality can be a kick in the gut too. 
        I guess the point to all this is no matter what we think of ourselves, good
or bad,  We are who we are,  Yes we can change (and trust me I'll try) but in the
end even after seeing the ugly truth stare me in the face, I still am pretty happy
with who I am....even without an ass...........


Video not posted but will be shared upon request........................     :-((