I f_ _ k'd up......

    I didn't make enough.  Usually I make too much of everything.
Too much soup.. too much of a mess.. too much of almost everything
I touch.  Except memories.
    I took the safe way all too many times.  I behaved when it wasn't
really necessary.  I wish I would have taken more chances.. bent the
rules a little more and taken more risks.  Why you ask?  Let me explain.
    As we get a little more 'mature' and life starts to loose  just a little of
it's sparkle and things slow down a bit, we need a whole bucket of
memories both good and bad to get us through the days and especially the
nights.  Lately I've had this uncontrollable urge to be bad.  I'm finding
that it may be too late. 
  I could smoke. That would be cool.. but I can't stand the smell or the
taste of cigarettes.  Tried a pipe but they are a lot of work just keeping
them lit and such.  So smoking is pretty much out.
I could drink (more)  but carbs aren't my friend anymore an although I
love good whiskey it is a sneaky little bugger that sneaks up on me at
times.  If I drink in a crowd I'm fine.  It's when I'm alone that whiskey
depresses me and floods my brain with thoughts and memories that I
really don't enjoy reliving. So drinking is pretty much out.
    Now there are drugs.. They could help cure all my problems.  Problem
 is they create a whole new set of problems when misused.  Plus they are
expensive.. hard to acquire and illegal and I don't fancy spending my
last years on this earth behind bars...  Scratch Drugs...
    That leaves women.  Boy could I build up my bank of memories with
the right women.  But alas I couldn't get women  in my twenties let alone
in my sixties.  Besides... forty two years ago today I found a woman
silly enough to marry me, stay with me through some pretty rough times,
bear my children and raise them to be fine upstanding adults all the while
putting up with me and my calloused sometimes unappreciative ways.
She deserves better.
     So since I don't seem to be able to find anyway of misbehaving and
building up my bad boy image I guess I'm just stuck with what I have in
the memory section of this slowly deteriorating brain of mine .
     So if you have had any sort of contact with me, good bad or indifferent
Be aware that you will probably be be on an endless loop of memories in
my mind .  Don't think of me obsessive or perverted just remember that I
am working with a limited library of memories to dream and fantasize
about and there are bound to be a lot of re-runs.
The only positive note is I keep them to myself  lol   But somehow you'll
know....