I’ll be Dammed !!

If not I should be….

A while back I made a promise to myself that I would no longer concern myself with things I have no control over. I had no idea how hard that was going to be to maintain. I did pretty good for a long while and was feeling calmer and more at peace than I have in years.

The problem is when you feel so strongly about things that you know in your heart are just wrong and you don’t have the fortitude to either speak out or correct your own shortcomings it weighs heavy on your mind. I’m a lot better than I used to be but only a third as good as I want to be. I’m still able to ignore fifty percent of the outside world’s trials and tribulations but it is my own shortcomings that creep into my mind uninvited.

Some would say ‘You do have control over these shortcomings’ No I don’t They are too deeply imbedded inside me. Trust me I have tried.

Faith..

I pity the souls behind me on the morning of the rapture. If I have to answer to each of my sins, immoral thoughts and such there is going to be a back-up bigger than a ten semi crash on Im 95 at rush hour. I’ve pretty much given up on praying for forgiveness for some of these weaknesses because I don’t feel it is totally my fault. After all he himself blessed me with a seventeen year old mind and memory in a seventy some year old body.

In fact the daily thoughts and memories of past , present and future encounters may be the only thing keeping this old pump pumping… I just hope the deductions for such sins are minimal….

Back to prayer…

I am a terrible Christian.. I don’t attend church and I haven’t read the Bible (entirely) I used to have a habit where I would google passages supporting a specific doubt I was having. I stopped that because It seemed that I was cherry picking the passages I wanted to hear. I do pray often but mostly giving thanks. I seldom pray for favors other than health because I know God has a plan and far be it for me to try to alter that.. He knows my path. I pray in unorthodox places at sometimes the strangest of times yet I know he hears me. We have an exception to the ‘Where two or more are gathered’ rule. Usually it’s just him and I . I like to keep in touch. I don’t want to be that friend that only comes around when in need. I wish I could do better. But like I say I’ve tried.. It bothers me at times but it’s the best I can do…..

Politics…

Everyone that reads this knows my views on the political circus that is performed daily lately. Policies and partys aside the only thing I am unable to ignore is the hate and division that is spread daily from these so called leaders and representatives. Not sure how or where it started (I have a hunch) but I can’t figure out if it was all their fault or if they just made it acceptable for this kind of behavior to blossom. Good people that I know and respect now think it’s okay to wave vulgar signs and degrade everyone that doesn’t share their beliefs. I will do my best to ignore it but God only knows it’s hard…………..